The Authentic Love Podcast

How To Stop Anger Destroying Your Relationship

• Season 1 • Episode 3

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Do you accidentally hurt people with your angry outbursts? Do you wish you didn't explode over small things and that you could be softer? Would you like a better ways to manage stress? Anger is powerful emotion that's intended to protect the parts of us that feel hurt. However - when used unconsciously - it can seriously damage your relationship and leave you feeling guilty and ashamed when you hurt those you love. Dating and relationship expert, Natalie Ford, shares with you her personal journey of anger: from explosive temper that destroyed her relationship to cultivating a healthy relationship with anger and using it as her guide. Natalie also shares with you her 10 Top Tips for Transforming Anger from An Enemy Into An Ally.

Here's the link to Enchanted Academy For Love that Natalie mentions: https://natalie-ford.com/

Want to help women worldwide find their Happy Ever After? Please like, subscribe and share this episode to get our message out there!

Ask Natalie a question via our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@iamnatalieford


[Intro music] Hello and welcome. I am Natalie Ford, founder and CEO of Enchanted Academy For Love and you are listening to The Enchanted Love Podcast. I am here to help strong, independent women let down their defences that have caused them to reject, repel and sabotage love so that they can transform these and finally call in the happy ever after that they have been longing for. Please help me get this message out there by liking, subscribing and sharing our material. And I hope you enjoy this week's edition of The Enchanted Love Podcast. Let's talk about anger, how to tame your wild temper. You might have grown up in an environment where raising your voice and shouting and losing your temper was completely normal. It might have been common that to manage and regulate your emotions, things would typically get on top of you and then you would explode to have a release of emotion so that you could then recalibrate your system and come back down to a calmer place. And how this looks in communication is things get heated. You have a heated debate, you shout, you raise your voice... But after the so-called fight, you come back to love, right? Now, not everybody grows up this way, but for those of us that have grown up this way, it feels completely normal because we don't know anything else. And when we end up getting into relationship with people who don't interact this way, it can be really damaging for the relationship. Inadvertently we can hurt people, especially those we love, and eventually these people get fed up, they don't want to be around us and they leave... So today's episode we are going to be looking at how can we get to a place where we can communicate calmly and clearly and manage our emotions so that they don't need to boil over and explode for us to self-regulate... Last episode we were looking at respect, particularly how do we need to show up in order to respect our man so that we can have a lasting relationship. Now, this episode ties in beautifully because when we speak with this elevated tone, when we get angry, frustrated, and when we explode and lose our temper, we are disrespecting the other person we are speaking to. And if you are in relationship with a conscious alpha man, they will not tolerate this behaviour, and you will find that you lose good men, and find yourself single over and over. So this episode will help you to navigate your emotions, navigate the way that you communicate with your beloved so that you can show up in respect for him and enjoy the fruits of a lasting relationship... So I want to start this episode by telling you a personal story that illustrates my own journey with anger and provides the frame for what it is that I want to share with you in today's episode. I'm going to take you back all the way to 2014 when I was in my first relationship after I'd done a lot of personal development work around my self esteem and self love and changing my inner narrative so that it was more supportive and less critical of me. And as a result of all of this personal development work and self love work, I had attracted an incredible man into my life. But all of this happened before I had journeyed to discover my feminine energy. So I was very much in my masculine energies still. I could drop into my feminine when I was with him. We were playful, we were relaxed, we spent time together. Generally I was a pretty awesome girlfriend, but when I was stressed, the masculine energies came out big time. I was putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect and to keep up with all the million things I was doing. I never gave myself any downtime. Everything was all about doing, achieving, achieving and basically like surviving life. Before any deadline was the worst! So if I was having friends over or a social gathering at my house that I was preparing for, or if I had a work deadline,

or the worst-of-the-worst:

packing for a holiday, it would stress me out completely! I never managed to leave enough time and that was because I was so busy with the rest of my life, like trying to stay on top of the rest of my life, that I just didn't have spaciousness. Nothing in my life had space for things to go wrong or rest or downtime. It just wasn't a thing for me. Everything I did was always right up to the deadline. So I was always late for everything. I was busy and overstressed and so deadlines were a nightmare for me... I remember there was this one barbecue that we had at my house. I think it was the first one that this partner and I had done together and we needed to go out and we needed to buy quite a few things to prepare. But as per my usual, I'd left it to the last minute and I was stressed. So we were walking around the shops, and I remember I think he wanted to grab a few extra pieces that I didn't think was necessary.

And I remember saying something to him along the lines of:

'Like hurry, we haven't got time for this, we need to get a move on, god damn, just make a decision, damn it, just hurry up and make a decision!' And he just looked at me with complete, like amazement,

and he said:

'You are zapping all of the fun out of this. We're supposed to be having friends over. It's supposed to be a fun, social gathering, and you are making it miserable!' Now this hit me like a tonne of bricks because he was absolutely on the money. And I just stood there in complete amazement also,

and said:

'You're right and I am so sorry'. I explained to him that I was this stressed because I was scared of failing. I was scared of people coming over to my house, and the house not being ready, or the food not being prepared, and then me having to try and do those things whilst people were arriving, which then meant way too much for me to cope with. But the fact remained that the way I was showing up was completely unacceptable. Regardless of the reasons, regardless of how reasonable the reasons were, it was completely unacceptable for me to be showing up this way in a relationship to a man who showed me nothing but love and kindness... But I didn't know how to stop it occurring. So despite me apologising, every time we had a deadline, I would still get this stressed and I would still end up communicating to him in an aggressive, unpleasant way. And eventually it took the toll on the relationship and eventually he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore Now I found it really, really hard to accept because the relationship was otherwise completely amazing. When I wasn't stressed, I was an amazing girlfriend! You know, fun, bubbly, intelligent, career driven, all of those things. But what I learned the hard way is that that is not enough to counterbalance the negative way which I was showing up when I was stressed. So I went off and did a tonne of personal development work and fast forward to 2022... So I am now in a new relationship with the man of my dreams and we are holding our first ever barbecue together! Now, not only is it the first time we are hosting a social together, it is the first time we are cooking for other people together, it is also the first time that we are bringing both of our sets of friends together. And as an extension of that, we are actually bringing together two cultures as well, because he and I are from different cultures. So that is a lot of firsts! And on top of all of those firsts, both he and I had been working ridiculously hard for the last few weeks and we were both tired and slightly burned out. So physically I was very weak and aching, and mentally my brain batteries were flat. My ability to process information was pretty much rock bottom. And he was in a similar place, so there is a huge potential for real disaster. But I am delighted to tell you that it was a complete success! Literally, nothing went wrong. Other than we did manage to burn some of the food! But even that we navigated. So we managed to navigate buying and preparing all of the food, welcoming all the guests, bringing together two sets of friends who hadn't met each other before, bringing together two cultures. And we worked together as a team perfectly. We supported each other, we had each other's back, we were able to swap roles and what was really, really beautiful to witness was that even though we were really quite exhausted physically and mentally, there were no arguments, there were no disagreements... There was not even like a butting up of difficult energies between us. We just flowed. And because of that, I felt him draw nearer to me. Like he could find a moment to pull me close to him, and hug me, and celebrate how well we were doing. And he was just initiating these moments of intimacy, that we could grab in the middle of an otherwise pretty busy event. And I could feel him pulling me closer emotionally, and us building so much strength as a team and as a unit... So how did I manage to make that transformation? How did I learn to not get stressed, relax and just go with the flow,

so that everything could just happen as it needed to:

with ease, without stress, without arguments, without fights, without raised tempers? First of all, I had to understand what was causing me to get so stressed. Then I had to make some really hard changes in my life. And finally, I had to learn a whole load of self love, compassion and understanding, so that I could actually support myself through these difficult times, to ease the burden, ease the pressure, and feel like I wasn't alone in the process.

So what we're going to be looking at today is:

Number 1, I am going to help you understand why you are getting so stressed. We're going to look at the psychology underneath what is causing you to put so much pressure on yourself and explode, and not be able to manage your emotions. Number 2, I'm going to highlight for you the changes that you need to make to shift the behaviours which are creating the stress, so that you can move towards a much more easeful way of life. And finally, I am going to help you discover compassion, love and understanding for the parts of you which are creating the pressure and the stress in your system, so that you can support these parts to really change the way that they're showing up, which will help you change your behaviour. I want to start by looking at what are the reasons that cause us to get so angry. Because I want you to understand what is actually going on inside of you, like in your inner world. So that you can start to build compassion for what is actually happening. So that you can then shift the narrative from one of criticising yourself and feeling shame and guilt, and making yourself very, very wrong for this behaviour, to realising what is going on under the hood, and actually making changes in your life to support it, from a place of compassion for yourself. So the two main reasons why we would typically get angry and explode or shout at somebody is, one, if we feel like they have done something to slight us or hurt us or in some way upset us. That is perceived internally as some sort of attack.

And our anger comes up as a protection to say:

'Hey, that's not okay, I don't like what just happened there'. So 1, we're trying to protect the parts of us that actually feel really, really hurt by what just happened, but also in being quite forceful in our energy, we create space, which then means that the thing that is causing some sort of perceived threat is further away. So when we're getting angry in this way, we are actually erecting boundaries, but we're doing it from an unconscious place. We're not consciously

saying:

'Hey, no, this isn't okay for me'. We are unconsciously erupting, because actually, before we put the boundary in place, some part of us got hurt. If the situation made us feel on some level a little bit powerless,

then by getting angry we are reasserting our power and saying:

'Hey, I am not going to be put in a place of powerlessness, I am a powerful being'. But we're doing it from a wounded place, so it's coming across as toxic, rather than a healthy expression of power and boundaries... So the other thing that can cause us to get really angry, is when we just have way too much going on, and there's yet another thing that comes into our space, that lands as a responsibility we need to take care of and we flip into overwhelm. So we can use this as a way of letting off steam, but we're doing this from an unconscious place, rather than a conscious expression of channelling our energy in a healthy way. So when it's done unconsciously, the impact is actually quite toxic... So the two main things which are driving your explosions of emotion and losing your temper

are 1:

feeling some sort of perceived attack on your person

And 2:

overwhelm. Now, typically these two work very much together. You'll find that you're typically in perpetual overwhelm, which means that even when you're resting, or trying to take down time, there is some part of you that is still churning away in the background, in overwhelm, ready to explode if yet another thing lands on your plate. And when you're in that place, if anybody criticises you or sort of digs at you in any way or slights you, you're already at capacity and you don't have any space to be able to cope with that. So you react from a place of overwhelm and hurt combined together... So what are the things that you need to change so that you are no longer in this perpetual overwhelm, and so that you're not perceiving every interaction with other people as a slight on you or a dig or an attack? It's necessary to take a two pronged approach to this problem. The overwhelm is the thing that you want to focus on initially, to put all of your energy into trying to reduce the amount of overwhelm that you're experiencing. And this is where you're going to have to make some tough decisions in your life to actually change a habit, which has probably been a habit for a very long time, if not an entire lifetime. I want you to start exploring why are you putting so much pressure on yourself? What are the beliefs that you are running underneath that? It might be things like you should be able to cope with all these things. You're not good enough if you don't achieve these goals, or if you don't push yourself in this way. Or perhaps you're running stories like, I'm going to let people down if I say no to this. People rely on me for this. Like, I'm the only one who can do these things... Now, we have to be a bit careful here because the reasons that we give ourselves for why we're in overwhelm, we can become very convinced that they are true, and often they actually are based on false logic. So for example, you might be thinking that you need to keep up with all of these things because everybody else is doing that, but you are basing your comparison on a perception of what you believe other people are doing. You're probably actually comparing yourself to people who already have a very high self esteem. They've got healthy boundaries in place, and they know not to take on things that are not their own responsibility. The difficult truth here is that you've actually taken on way too many things, and you're going to have to accept that not all of them are going to get done, and you're going to have to let things go... Now, upon hearing that, there's probably some part of you that's in panic,

thinking:

'But I can't, I can't let all these things go'. And that is where you need to get really curious about what are you telling yourself will happen if you don't do these things?

If you're like me, you will probably find things like:

I'm going to miss out, people won't like me anymore. If I let people down, they're going to reject me, or say that I can't hang out with them anymore. And actually what we need to remember the truth of is that if people really genuinely are going to not be our friends, because we've stopped doing things for them, or because we need to take some time out, or we have to pull away from projects and things, then what was the friendship with those people based on in the first place? It doesn't sound as though there's really a solid, strong grounding of a friendship, based upon just who you are as a person. It's based more on what you can do for that person. And I really encourage you to step away from friendships like that, because they are not serving your highest good. You are so worthy of actually calling in friends who like you for who you are, not for what you can do for them... So you may well find that projects need to fall away, some friendships might need to fall away, and you may actually need to disappoint some people. But the payoff is that you'll finally have time for yourself, to be able to nourish yourself, support yourself, actually do some of the things that you really love to do, but never ever get the time to do. And it is only from that place, where you give yourself spaciousness, and downtime, and rest, that you will be able to step out of the overwhelm, which is causing you to not be able to manage your emotions. And in order to do this, you are going to have to erect a lot more healthy boundaries. That means genuinely tuning into what you feel you can handle,

and say no every time you get a request that you think:

'Oh God, how on earth am I going to fit this in?' But only when you get comfortable saying no to social events, taking on extra projects, or spending hours listening to your friend telling you about all of their troubles. Only when you get better at saying no to these things, will you be able to create the shifts in your life that I know you are looking for. Now, the second part of the approach that you need to take is looking at why you feel attacked when people are often just going about their life, their every day or maybe saying some unintentional comment which you have internalised as something really damaging. Now, I used to be in this place myself too, so I know how difficult this is to explore. But I want you to start getting really curious about what are you telling yourself when these situations occur?

I found that I was telling myself things like:

'Oh well, this person doesn't really like me.' Or 'Oh well, this person is annoyed by me.' Or 'They don't really want to help me.''This person hasn't really got time for me.' Or I would project that these people were maybe somehow jealous of me, or envious of me and that they wanted to cut me down. Now, it may be the case that these things are true in a few isolated incidents, but when you start thinking this all of the time about most of the people that you're interacting with, you have to question the foundation upon which this is built. Now, when I did that, I actually found that I didn't think very highly of people. I was operating from a fundamental belief that most people are bad or evil or out to get me... Now, there can be some really valid reasons for why you might have developed this as a belief system, but what I want to tell you is it is not true. People are fundamentally good, and people are usually so wrapped up in their own individual world that they are not even thinking about you. So there's no way that they are having negative thoughts about you, if you are not even in their awareness! This is where you need to do a lot of work on your self esteem, to trust that you are actually an incredible person, and that people would love to have you as a friend, that you are a joy to be around, and people would welcome you into their lives. When you can start to really see your own positive qualities, and believe them, you can start to really value yourself, and see actually what a beautiful gift you are for people to have in their lives. And as you start to believe this more and more, you will be able to shift those narratives that have probably been there for a really long time about this idea that people don't like you, or that they don't want to help you, or that they're not there for you, or that they're actually out to get you. So this is the two pronged approach that needs to be taken in order to shift you out of overwhelm, and to have you stop thinking such negative things when people interact with you. The chances are most people don't even realise if they bash you on the tube, or if they make a comment to you. They're just expressing themselves in their daily life. They're probably in a bit of overwhelm, just like you are. And it's definitely not intended as a personal attack on you... Making these shifts in your life will not only benefit your love relationship and your friendships, but will make you feel better about yourself, and make life just feel so much more joyful to experience. Now, there's two ways which people generally tend to approach the work that I've just spoken about. One is to criticise themselves and berate themselves, and make themselves really wrong for the way that they're showing up. But that just adds more pressure onto you. And one of the things that we're trying to do is to get you out of overwhelm. So adding more pressure on in the form of self criticism or berating yourself, or telling yourself that you should know how to do this, or you should be better. That's actually just part of the problem that you're trying to unravel. So don't go down that route. This is why this whole episode, I'm really wanting you to focus on finding compassion for the parts of you that are struggling. So when you explore the things that are under your overwhelm... The pressure that you're putting on yourself. The things that you're saying that you should be better at. Or you're not good enough. Or that you need to show up in certain ways for people to want to spend time with you and to want to have you in their life. Rather than making those parts of you wrong, I want you to see them as small children versions of you that live inside of you, that just haven't learnt how to operate in the adult world. And actually show love and care for them, so that you can help them grow up and become healthy adults, with love and support. So the next time you notice that you feel offended

by somebody saying something to you, rather than just brushing it off and saying:

'Oh, I shouldn't be offended by that', I want you to actually go internally and find the part of you that is hurting. Find the part of you that actually believes that this person doesn't like you or that they're somehow rejecting you or intending to hurt you. And I want you to shower that little version of yourself, that small child version of yourself that hasn't yet grown up. Shower that little one with so much love. Maybe have a conversation with her

and just say:

'Hey, I love you and I want to be friends with you, even if nobody else in the world does. I want to show up for you'. And you can talk to her and have a conversation with her, and let her know that you are there for her. And as crazy as it might sound to do this, this is actually the way that we learn to build support for ourselves, and have our own back, and learn to value and trust ourselves more highly, which are all things that you need to do in order to help you step out of the overwhelm and to stop losing your temper. So rather than making yourself wrong, find compassion, love, and understanding for the parts of you that are struggling and have conversations with them inside of your mind to let them know that you are there for them, that they are not alone. And believe me, these parts will change and grow up and become more stable the more you do this. So now, I want to leave you with my top ten tips for how to step out of perpetual overwhelm and believing that everything is a personal attack on you so that you can turn anger from an enemy into an ally!

Number 1:

stop trying to be superwoman! I want you to think of yourself as a vessel, or a container that has a limited capacity. And I want you to think about all the things that you have currently put inside this container that are filling up your life, filling up your time. And I want you to honestly evaluate how much capacity is left. Or are you maybe spilling out over the edges because you've got way too much on your plate? I want you to think about what you really value and anything that does not fully align with it. I want you to let it go. That might be tasks, it might be projects, it might be friends, it might be changing jobs, but whatever it is, really, truly align with your values so that everything that you put in this container which has a fixed capacity is really supportive and nourishing for your highest good.

Number 2:

I want you to get okay with the idea of failing at some things! It is impossible to go through life without failing. And in fact, every time you fail you learn so much and you actually eventually get to succeed in a much better way. So failures are actually really like successes that just haven't happened yet. So I want you to start framing everything around the idea that actually to fail - it's okay. It does not mean that you are not worthy, or that you're a bad person. It's really important that you learn to detach your self-worth from whether or not you are succeeding or failing at a particular task or job or relationship.

Number 3:

learn that it is okay to say no and for things to wait! This means saying no when your capacity gets too full. It means maybe delaying responses to text messages and emails. It means saying no to that extra social event. Or no when the in-laws want to come and visit, or no when you get asked to work overtime. It might mean that the things that you're saying no to have to wait. Maybe that means some of your goals are going to take longer to get to. Maybe some of your friends are going to need to wait a little bit longer before you can be in connection with them. Maybe it means that your career isn't going to increase at quite the speed that you had in mind. It will still, of course, get there. But by giving yourself this little bit of extra time, the rest of your life is going to be so much more enhanced, and beautiful, and nourished, and rejuvenating. And it's so going to be worth that teeny bit of sacrifice that you're going to pay for it... This means that you will need to let go of preconceived ideas about what deadlines and timelines should be for things.

This leads beautifully on to Number 4:

which is trusting that the universe has your back, allowing yourself to believe that there is a greater energy than yourself that is working all the time for your highest good. This means that you can trust the timing of things. If something isn't happening right now, maybe it's not supposed to. Trust in something we call divine timing and allow yourself to be guided by coincidences and synchronicities, which we call signs. This means that you have to be willing to let go of what you think the plan is and adjust based upon what feels like the right thing to do in the moment. This is part of the flexibility that comes with being in your feminine energies.

Number 5:

learn to believe that people are inherently good! They are not out to get you. Yes, I know you've had difficult experiences in the past. I know that you've been hurt. And not everybody in your past has shown up in a loving, generous, supportive way, but don't let those few people taint the opinion that you have of the majority. What I have found through working with hundreds of people is that everybody is trying their best. And the only reason why people sometimes show up with anger and difficult emotions is because they just aren't coping, just like you. When you get overwhelmed and you explode and your emotions go everywhere, it doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that you haven't put in place appropriate coping strategies to create enough space for yourself so that you can actually journey through life that bit easier.

Number 6:

create down time for yourself, and practises that bring you back into connection with you. Things like spending time just being. This is very much tapping into the feminine energies. You might want to go for a walk in nature, spend time meditating, or doing yoga or breath work. They're all really great practises to bring you back to yourself. Let go of the need to be doing, doing, doing, and actually start just enjoying, relaxing and being. I want to give you a quick practise which is really good and easy for helping you do this. It's called the five minute bubble. When you start to feel overwhelmed and things start to feel too much for you, I want you to take yourself out of that situation for just five minutes, and take yourself to a place where you can be quiet and sit down with a timer. I then want you to imagine that you're putting this big protective bubble over yourself. A big, transparent protective bubble. That means that nothing can come in and hurt you. Whilst you're inside that bubble, I want you to set the timer for five minutes, and I want you to focus purely on the felt sensations in your body when you breathe. So as you breathe in and out, I just want you to focus on how it feels to breathe. Feeling the muscles in your tummy as you expand to take the inhale and feeling the muscles drop away as you release that breath from your body. For the whole five minutes, I want you to focus ONLY on how it feels in your body to breathe. I don't want you to think about anything, worry about anything, just come back to you. When the timer goes off, you can come out of this process, and return back to whatever it was that you were doing. And I can promise you, your stress levels will have dropped significantly, you will be developing more of a loving, kind, supportive relationship with yourself, and you will be able to handle your emotions so much better.

Number 7:

find healthy outlets to let off steam so that you don't have to do it by losing your temper. That means things like going to the gym for a good workout. You could try running. Or if you're really enthusiastic, things like boxing are great! Some way to channel that anger, frustration and resentment that tends to build up in our systems so that you can put it somewhere in a healthy, constructive way, and not take it out on those that you love and care about. If you're not somebody who really wants to be physically active with the gym and boxing and running and things like that, then you can actually do it at home. The way I recommend doing this is having a couple of pillows, two or three pillows that you can either pick up and put to your mouth and scream into. If you're watching me on YouTube, you can see me actually doing the action where you just put the pillow to your mouth and shake your whole body, as you allow a sound to come out. Try to make the sound come from your lower belly more like an 'Aaar' rather than a high pitched scream so that you don't hurt your vocal cords. You can also use the pillows for actually physically releasing your stress and your anger into by either punching them or slamming your arms into them. But please make sure that when you do this, it's done in a way that is not going to hurt your body. So make sure that there are only soft things around you, so you can do it maybe on your bed, or you do it on a sofa. And make sure that the way that you're hitting these things is not hurting your hands, your wrists, or your neck, or your shoulders or your back. Once you've managed to channel that energy in a conscious direction and get it out of your system, you will feel so much better, and controlling your emotions will feel so much more manageable.

Number 8:

I want to introduce another fantastic tool to you. It's called the timeout scale. This is a scale from zero to ten that you can use when you are in conversations with people, and things are getting a little bit heated. I want you to track your level of elevated energy on the scale from 0 to 10. So zero is you're completely calm and everything feels fine, and there's no anger in your system. Ten is you've lost your temper. You're shouting, you're yelling, and things are out of control. So when you notice that your anger or your emotions start to elevate to a 5 on the scale, so that's halfway between nothing and you really losing your temper. When you start to get to a 5, I want you to start to notice

and say to the person who you're in communication with:

'Stop, I need to take a break'. This is part of erecting healthy boundaries so that you can really start to take care of your mental and emotional well being. I don't want you to push yourself to the point where you are getting to a 6, 7, 8, 9 or 10 in a conversation. When you get to the 5, I want you to ask for time out. You can literally give people the 'time out' symbol or you can say'Hey, stop, I'm getting too angry here, I need to take time out'. Now, if you're in communication with someone who wants to continue the fight, and wants to bring you to a place of elevated energy,

you have to be strong and you have to say:

'No, I am going to end up hurting you and fighting you and I love you and I don't want to do that. Please let me take time. Let me take half an hour or an hour to go and calm down and chill out and I will come back. I will come back to finish this conversation. I'm not bailing out on the conversation, but I just need to bring my energies back down'. You might even be able to do it much quicker than half an hour. You might be able to do it in just 5 or 10 minutes, particularly if you use the previous tool where I was talking about using healthy outlets for your emotions.

Number 9:

only communicate from your heart. Now, how do you do this when you're angry and annoyed? Right, first of all, you have to use the other tools that I have stated above and then once you've asked for time out, you've done some emotional release so that you can bring your elevated state back down to below a 5. Ideally, you don't want to be going back into that conversation until you are at least a three or lower on the scale. And then you can put your hand on your heart and you can pause, you can take some deep breaths and you can connect to your heart and feel and remember the love that you have for the person that you are talking to. Only when you get to that place should you continue the conversation or even start a conversation. If you know that you're in a place of stress or overwhelm, and you actually want to maybe send a text message or you want to phone somebody. Or you need to speak to somebody face to face. Just take a few minutes. You can go and do the 5 minute bubble to calm yourself, bring yourself back to you. And then put your hand on your heart. Focus on what it is that you feel in love and connection for this person. So that when you send that text message, or when you phone them or talk to them, they can feel your love.

And lastly, number 10:

I want you to learn to recognise that anger is actually here to help you! It is here to tell you either that a boundary has been crossed, in which case you need to pause and examine the situation and ask yourself internally, what's going on? What boundary has been crossed? Why am I getting angry? Or 2) a part of you is hurting and this is a protector that is coming up to try to stop you feeling that pain. When you can go below your anger to find the parts of you that are hurting, sad or scared, then you are in a position to communicate vulnerably and from love to your partner or to the person that

you're in communication with, to say:

'Actually, hang on. I'm getting angry because actually underneath that. I feel scared that you're going to leave me'.

Or:

'I feel sad because I don't feel loved by you'.'I'm hurting because the way you're talking to me reminds me of a situation in my past where I felt pain'. And if you feel like you would like support with doing this, with transforming your relationship with anger so that you don't have to hurt those around you, and that you can show up as the beautiful, loving, caring, compassionate being that I know you are, then come into Enchanted Academy For Love and we will support you to do that, so that you can call in, and keep your happy ever after loving relationship. So those are my 10 top tips. I hope they have been super helpful for you. The next episode of The Enchanted Love Podcast, we are going to be looking at the importance of congruency. Now, congruency is the matching up of what you say and what you do with how you feel inside. This is because our partners are actually highly sensitive, empathic beings, and they can tell if we are not saying something.

So this episode is called:

'Just because you're not saying it doesn't mean he can't feel it'. So make sure you subscribe so that you get an alert when that next episode is released in a couple of weeks. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being open and receptive to what I'm teaching. Please do like, subscribe and share to get this message out there so that ultimately more women can have their happy ever after. Because that's exactly what this channel is all about.

If you've got any questions or comments, check us out on YouTube:

The Enchanted Love Podcast. You can leave questions or comments there and we will read those. I hope you have enjoyed this episode and I look forward to connecting with you on the next one.[Outro music]